Language and Perception

Usually, when I think of someone, a secondary word comes into my mind that I identify with that person.  This can be useful at times when those words hold positive connotations such as smart, helpful, hard-working, etc.  However, when the word is of a more negative connotation such as lazy, disruptive, slow, etc. come to mind, that can be harmful and possibly inaccurate in my perception of that individual. 

Being a manager, I have many words that are initially associated with different individuals.  One day, I read something about being aware of what box you put people.  To clarify, there are two boxes that people may be placed in: a good box or a bad box.  Once someone is placed in a good box, they are usually thought of in positive terms, even when they do something bad.  For example, if someone was tardy to work, one may rationalize it away by saying to oneself, “They are never late,” or “They must have had a good reason,” or “They are usually a hard worker.”  In comparison, if someone from your bad box is late, you automatically think, “This person is always late,” “This person is worthless,” or “How does this person even stay employed?” Once someone has been placed, they cannot get out of their box unless the person managing the boxes consciously makes the effort to see that individual in a new light.

This box idea is basically the same idea that language can shape our perception.  Certain observed aspects of a person are brought to the forefront of our attention and latched on to, negating all other possible aspects of the person that could be present.  We proceed to interact with that person based on our initial perception analysis.

After consciously managing my theory of good and bad boxes, I realized that I had indeed built up preconceived notions of people in my head which allowed me to manage them in a more or less patient manner.  After about two weeks of conscious observing and managing, I realized that I had indeed misplaced many individuals and I found a new appreciation for them.  As I commented on how well they were doing, it elevated their confidence and built a stronger team atmosphere.  This allowed for a better work environment all around.

Hate Speech and Censorship

Hate speech, according to the Free Speech Museum’s page, occur when one speaks of another’s ideas or being while lacking humility, tolerance, and optimism.  There are two basic reasons why people are intolerant and inconsiderate of others: disagreement of ideas or disagreement of interests.  Usually, interests are the driving force when it comes to policy decision making and that influences the way that one may process ideas.  Those with agendas in interests, those committed to a battling of ideas, and or those lacking humility, tolerance, and optimism are usually the ones that engage in hate speech activity.

Efforts to regulate free speech on the Web have been denied on the basis of the 1^st Amendment, which basically states that Congress is unable to infringe upon America’s freedom of speech.  This means that the government is unable to censor expressed opinions. Free Speech Museum’s page brings up the idea that, although we are technically protected from our government, we may be less protected by our fellow citizens who may take offense to or disagree with what we are stating.  I believe that if we made interested citizens of age register to participate in online hate groups, that would limit the grounds that would be available to people that would partake in hate speech.  I don’t think we will ever be able to eliminate hate speech as there is always going to be some negative belief about any topic you bring up because everyone is raised differently and holds different values.  Rather than promoting a group of “haters” of something, perhaps we could create a place within the group being disliked to have these issues brought up and discussed which would show maturity, respect, tolerance, and humility.  The fact that someone would be willing to partake in an intelligent discussion shows optimism in itself as it shows a desire for common ground and understanding.

There is no real option for censorship on the Internet as it would violate freedom of speech.  I think that besides making a formal request of a person of group, people are either going to be considerate of others views or object to another’s rights of expression, period.  All ideas, even those of intolerance, may spark an intelligent thought or conversation that could grow an individual.  I think that adults should not go looking to sensor their lives.  Censorship for adults is a way to put blinders on and not pay attention to what is going on around you in the real world. 

Taking this one step further, when it comes to the censorship and children, I believe it is a parent’s job to monitor Internet usage to censor what it is their children are able to see or not see.  Outside of the Internet, I think that a parent should do as much as they can to shelter their children from things that could negatively impact them as adults (depending on what age they are, violence, rape scenes, sex, pornography, extreme anger, etc.).  If children see something that may have upset them, parents need to hold open dialogue with the child to discuss what they believe they saw, how they should interpret it, why it happened in the first place, and how the child should feel regarding the event that took place.

American Society Metaphor

Growing up, my mom was known as the family baker.  She did try to cook though, well, kinda...  She made dinners such as hotdog casserole, hamburger helper, fish sticks, etc.  Everything was processed and we never saw vegetables that were not frozen or from a can.  She however, made one thing better than anyone in the entire world: her beef stew.  Mom’s beef stew also required little effort.  Open a can of this, a can of that, brown some beef chunks, and throw that puppy in a crock-pot for eight hours to simmer.  When we all came home from work or school, presto! Warm and butter some bread and you have dinner!

This weeks discussion prompt is to present a metaphor for American society today.  I think at one time, America was more like a brownie.  We were a group of people who came from far away to build greatness together.  With a brownie, there are some individual pieces that don’t get absorbed such as nuts or frosting if one so desires.  Overall however, the rest of the ingredients come together to become inseparable and unidentifiable individually.  Together, they tolerate other items that don’t absorb but rise together to create a gooey, delicious treat of the Gods.

The America I see today is not this brownie we once were.  Today, we are more like mom’s beef stew.  We are individually processed through our unique experiences and eventually “unite” to create a warm meal.  The bowl together is good, but you can still pick out the individual pieces of corn, peas, carrots, beef, potatoes, etc.  Heck, it you wanted to, you could separate all of the ingredients to eat them in their united ingredient categories.  Most people in their right mind would not have the time or desire to do this.  Many say we taste much better eaten together so our entire individual flavors blend into one.  Still, there have become separations between groups and individuals where they think our stew is best eaten in this manner.  Today, we are a country out for ourselves; individuals want their daily latte and for work to go well if they are lucky enough to have a job.  They think not of their brothers and sisters of America who have families who have ran out of unemployment and are near homelessness (or already there).  Today, we are ran by the greedy and want to create separations to maintain illusions to distract us from what is going on behind the scenes.  We hold elections based on voting for bad, worse, or worst.  Education budgets have been cut so we can stay uneducated and believe the presented smoke screen…

American society today is a beef stew.  Unique, delicious ingredients merge to make a delicious dancing of flavors among the taste buds.  Stew is good, but why settle for good when we can be GREAT?!  American society as a whole needs to be aiming for that brownie status once again.

Self-Discovery: Ideas of the Self and How we Come to Be

            Communications was my first choice major in college.  I decided not to have a minor or double major in order to graduate earlier, but if I was going to choose another area to study, it would have been psychology.  This chapter has been absolutely fascinating to me in following the path of how an individual becomes aware of his/her self.  Self- concept is what I have decided to focus on for this blog session.  With the sheer volume of influences that affect the way we create our self awareness, it is safe to say that self perception is continuously changing as we encounter things or people that influence us act in manners different than before.  The four main influences that create self-concept include direct definitions, reflected appraisals, identity scripts, and attachment styles.

            Communication with particular others, or the people who we feel have importance in our lives, shape our initial thoughts about ourselves.  Direct definition communication, or expressions that directly label us and our behavior, from others can shape our initial thoughts as they come in positive or negative influence form.  Examples of direct definitions include statements such as, “You’re smart,” “You’re stupid,” etc.

The way we interpret others seeing us is termed a reflected appraisal and this is essential in understanding why we may create self-fulfilling prophecies.  When we think others are expecting us to do well, we believe we will do well and act accordingly.  In contrast, when others expect us to do poorly, we think we are only able to meet poor standards and set goals lower than we normally would set for ourselves.  These thoughts that we end up acting out are the self-fulfilling prophecies we create and live up to.

General values for who we are and what we find important can be found from analyzing the identity scripts our families set.  These scripts set boundaries for living and who you are allowed to be.  These scripts can be re-written as an adult if they were initially damaging to our self.  Examples of these scripts include, “We are a strong family,” “We are survivors,” “We are a God-fearing family,” etc.

The last contributing factor in creating self-conceptions is called an attachment style.  There are four types of attachment styles, including secure, anxious/ambivalent, fearful, and dismissive.  Secure attachment styles include a positive view of both one’s self and others.  Anxious/ambivalent styles result from negative self perception and positive perceptions of others.  Fearful styles come from negative perceptions of self and others.  Lastly, dismissive styles result from positive self views and negative views of others.  Attachment styles are prominent but not final.  With conscious effort and support, anyone can modify their perceptions to achieve their desired style.

Race as a Means of Classification

Race, for the purposes of this blog, can be thought of as a family, tribe, or people depending on its use.  I believe that it is not a useful tool in classifying people for the reasoning that it tends to put people in boxes.  When you start to say what people are, you also start labeling them what they are not.  Different associations are made depending upon the labels that you give them (which is what has happened historically) and this starts to severely affect not only the identity that they create and the self-fulfilling prophecies we set, but the way that reflected appraisals of others as well as the actual way that others will see and judge us.  For example, if a little mouse was born and his family always told him that because all mice were small, they were also helpless and insignificant, eventually the mouse himself would start to see himself that way and also act that way because he thinks that is what is expected of him.  However, if he grew up being told that he was strong and brave, he wouldn’t necessarily consider his size an indicator of his strength and he wouldn’t expect others to think of him that way either.

As far as the Census Bureau allowing Americans to define themselves by indicating more than one race, no, I do not think that they should allow people to select more than one race because I do not think they are necessarily useful as a tool.  Excuses are thrown out that they are good indicators for neighborhoods and schools to receive grants but I think it is more of a tool to see what neighborhoods and schools they can target and discriminate against.

I volunteered at a 1^st grade elementary school near my college for a community service project.  My kids were bilingual and all of them could speak both Spanish and English, but there were a few that had not yet learned how to write in both languages.  The teacher I assisted spoke of the financial difficulty she faced in preparing for the school year explaining that she received and allotted $200.00 for supplies over the course of the entire school year.  She was one of the luckier instructors, only having 25 students in her classroom compared to the 35 other instructors had in their rooms.  She said that once the schools started providing money solely on test scores, teachers were caught helping the students (aka cheating) to make sure their schools were not shut down.  These kids are VERY smart and they usually have to drop out of school early because they have to help baby sit their siblings because their parents work two jobs each to support the family.  Every test had a bubble in race form…  Can we really be so naïve as to think these schools overcrowding and lack of financial assistance to both the parents of these children in form of childcare and lack of assistance in form of cut P.E. programs, after school programs, and school supplies are not based on race?  This is a serious issue occurring right here in our own backyard.  It’s time for us to wake up and make a difference in our community.  The world is a big place and there is no better place to start making a difference than right here at home.

20 Years Can be an Ocean of Difference

When it comes to age differences, 20 years can be a world of difference.  I had a feeling this was true however, it became increasingly apparent to me as I conducted interviews of people 20 years and 40 years older than I am.  I had a feeling this was true however, it became increasingly apparent to me as I conducted interviews of people 20 years and 40 years older than I am.

People that are 40 years older than I am, whether male or female, seemed to hold more respect for their elders growing up than the 20 years older group.  The lady I interviewed described a time where women could have freedom, but it was within a set bracket of “acceptable” guidelines created by men.  She was outspoken in her time and often was admonished for her “wild” ways, usually by being spanked with a thick leather belt.  Both interviewees’ mothers stayed home to care for the family.  The family worked and ate together, and they came to know the importance of quality time with a family because it was modeled to them.  The men from this time period acted more respectable towards women and my interviewee was hard pressed to find a time when a hand was ever laid on him in anger.

My interviews conducted of men and women aged 20 years older than I resulted in decreased family time, probably due to both parents having to work.  They still found time to spend with one another, usually on vacations they would take about twice a year.  One of the things I found most interesting was neither of the 20 year difference interviewees cooked on a regular basis growing up and they only cook about twice a week today.  Punishment was less severe with this group; usually no physical beatings were dealt but rather soap would be administered to the mouth or “time outs” would be utilized.

                Reflecting on my personal experiences, I work full-time and go to school full-time.  The world around me is what I make of it.  I tend to hold the opinion that age alone is not enough for me to respect another’s authority over me; I tend to look for some sort of credibility before I trust their judgment.  I remember threats of violence as a child, but I never remember a stern follow through from either of my parents.  Due to my moving out of my home at the age of 16, I did what I wanted and I had to sleep in the bed that I made for myself.  I had many extended loving family members that wanted to speak into my life but rather than listening and allowing mentorship, I took to my own paths.  I think it made me stronger however, upon reflection, I think it would have been easier to not be so stubborn. 

Monitoring of Communication

I chose to write about monitoring one’s communication because I think this is one of the opportunities most people can act on that will improve their interpersonal relationships.  As a communications major, I feel empowered with every class that I take.  I am constantly having “ah-ha” moments when I find myself pondering people’s reactions to something I said or why I reacted a certain way after I was triggered be a comment in a conversation.

As we learned in chapter one, communicating is not a linear process.  There are many cues all happening at the same time in addition to verbal communication and active listening that must be monitored to allow you to respond in a manner that is receptive and appropriate.  These non-verbal transmissions in addition to things such as emotional state, cultural identities, state of physical rest, state of nourishment etc. and they all combine into what makes up our responses as individuals.

Communication is like physical exercise in the manner that if don’t stay sharp on the techniques, you start to lose your edge.  It is not easy to do when you are tired and you should always try to consider how someone else may feel about your response before reacting.  Communicate with others how you would like to be communicated to and don’t be afraid to tell someone that you are unable to talk for whatever reasons.  I have learned that sometimes it is easier to prevent things coming out of your mouth than trying to take them back later.

An I-It into an I-You

Recently I filled in for a security position at my place of work as the gentleman who had been working had taken the opportunity to retire.  One of my many job functions I was informed I would be providing to the public was to greet guests in an appropriate manner upon their entry and exit of the grounds I was to be securing.  The community in which I found myself filling in is very exclusive, so when I began to get warnings from my co-workers, I was not that concerned at first.  I thought I had a great attitude and a friendly smile, what was the worst that could happen, right?  My first day, I sat at a gate and greeted guests for hours and out of about 2,000 people that visited, maybe 100 responded with a happy smile and greeting.  Many of them looked at me, starting for a second before they walked away saying nothing.  Some guests stormed in and asked where the previous gentleman was that should be there.  Friendly words of any kind were avoided on their part, in fact, no one ever spoke to me unless they were reporting an issue or inquiring of the lost and found.  I wondered what I had gotten myself into and what about my person must have set most of them off in fits of anger.  It was a very I-It situation, where people thought of me as a thing, not a person with warm blood running through my veins.

I was unfamiliar with the gentleman that had retired and after about 5 weeks of filling in, I realized that he must have played an immense role in many of the visitor’s lives.  As time elapsed and weeks started to pass, people began to respond to my “Good morning!”and “Have a great day!” salutations.  It started slowly and I never pressed anyone, but now and then, people started smiled back at me and some even started asking about me about myself.  When we first spoke, we often stayed on topics such as the weather, general wildlife questions, or I would explain rules and regulations in a more through manner.  Over time as my rapport build with individuals, I would ask about their lives: how their kids were doing in school, how work was going, how their weekend was, etc.  I would try to answer questions about myself very briefly and then turn it around to get them talking about their lives.  Finally, one day a mother pushing a double stroller came in and wanted to visit.  During our conversation, I asked her about the older gentleman who had retired and the role he had played on the hill.  She said that he had always wanted to hear about everyone’s day and that many guests had incorporated him into their morning routines.  People would even bring him coffee or chocolates in offering of thanks.  She apologized for the cold shoulder she had given me over the first few weeks and explained that it had been really hard for everyone when he had decided to retire, her especially as she had grown to be very fond of him.  It was an “Ah-ha” moment for me!  I had found a way to move from an I-It to an I-You!

Over the next week or so, people started opening up to me.  As their small talk progressed into serious talks about life’s many issues, they realized that I was not just a fill in, but someone that had a vested interest in their wellbeing and lives.  Although I was an open book, I saw our field of experience started to overlap as they understood more with every conversation that we both cared about the hill they walked every morning as well as the fact that I was genuine in my interests of getting to know them better and earn their trust. I was asked for advice and people even offered me coffee and chocolates!  Everything was finally perfect, until one day I got the news…  My department had permanently filled the position which I had been temping.

Although on the inside I was devastated, I tried to put my best face forward for everyone.  I informed my guests that I would soon be leaving and I exchanged contact information with those that requested to stay in touch.  I explained how I’d felt when I started and asked them to take it easy on the new guard.  Then, I left.

By now, many of the guests on the hill have all but forgotten me.  I still wonder about their families and how they are doing as something sparks a memory of them…  Every once in awhile I even receive an email or card from someone thinking of me!  The new guard has since settled in and periodically reports on how my favorites are doing and says that they still ask about me.  Although somewhat childish, it gives me a sense of comfort to know that I have not been completely forgotten and that I am still missed on the hill.